can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
