He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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