yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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