New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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