im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
