Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
