you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
