Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
