My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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