Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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