I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
