his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
