My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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