the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
