I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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