your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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