so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
