What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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