census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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