I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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