can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
