I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
