Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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