how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
