3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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