Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
