Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
