the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
