you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
