She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I believe in your delicious
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
