I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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