Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
