So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
