Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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