my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
