I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
