Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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