Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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