My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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