i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
