his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
