my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
