it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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