I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im six kinds of drunk right now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
