i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
