Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
soo... how was my night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
