it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
