I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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