Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
