I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
