He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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