put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm really busy with my period
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